Seeking for Decent Bride, Fair and Lovely, No Demands.

Arranged marriages have always been something very distant and strange for me culturally speaking. Before I moved to KSA I knew Saudis mostly wed through arranged marriages within the family, but I’ve noticed they are very common in Saudi Arabia in general. There are large communities of Muslim (and other religions) expats permanently settled in the country who also prefer arranged marriages. Those expatriates often find it easier to seek for suitable brides and grooms online or through newspapers classifieds ads.

For example there are hundreds of matrimonial sites for Indians and Pakistanis alone. Then there’s specific sites for the expatriates living in Saudi to which they turn to when the son or daughter is ready to get married. Using media for finding a bride/groom is seen as perfectly normal and efficient way to find a spouse. Many arranged marriages do succeed, but my guesstimate is at least an equal amount fail.

In the west on the other hand, people are more used to using internet and other media for dating purposes and getting to know the person they are interested in. Men and women also search for life companions  online, but not with the type of ads than you might see in a Saudi newspaper classifieds ads section. I find it very strange to see classified ads seeking for brides/ grooms/ second wives. To me it seems like they’re talking about merchandise or products rather than human beings.

In the west people who are seeking to find a life partner online would typically describe their character and personalities, views on life and future hopes rather than family background, social status, or skin color preference, which are the most commonly listed requirements in many Asian and Arab matrimonial ads.

For comparison, a short add in a European newspaper stating a man is urgently looking to marry any young, good-looking, non-demanding woman, of certain height and light skin color, would be seen as a bad joke or even racist and chauvinistic.

For those not used to the concept of arranged marriages, seeing these kinds of straight-forward marriage proposals comes across as really awkward. Sometimes it seems as if the most important qualities mentioned in these ads are racial/ family origin, skin color, height and age of the woman. Additional mentions go to cooking, home making skills and degrees. It’s also strange to see parents placing the ads for their children.

I stumbled upon some very racist and some funny marital ads on an expat website. The typos sure make some of these even more awkward.

“SEEKING DECENT BRIDGE
A Pakistan National 47 years old man working in Saudi Arabia from 20 years seeking Pakistani decent Bridge under 35 years old, having strong financial position with family status. Reason for having another marry is lack of son. Interested families may be contacted at the following an email with full detail and photo, SYED -SUNNI & BUKHARI family is preferred.
bridge_required@ xxx.com”

“Looking for a Bride
Sunni muslim indian hyderabadi parents searching a bride for my younger brother and who’s profile
Age: 27 yrs
Height: 5.10 inch
Color: wheatish
Education: gradute (Bachelor of Commerce)
Position : Sales Coordinator
Settled in ksa Girl shoude be atleast
Age : 20 to 26 yrs
Height: 5.3 and above
Color : fair
Educaton: any
homely responly house duty religious minded
No demands
If these breif detail mates your requirement please forward the pic and details from your side to…”

“Urgent need a cute wife for my self (your all condistions will be accepted)
i am from saudiarab bassiclay from peshawar age 32, belongs to pathan family, working as an electrical supervisor, having cool financialy background, have 2 lak Saudi riayal bank balance here in ksa and having 90 lak rupees property in pakistan. i am independant need a lifepartner age 17-20 from any cast. i will supourt financailly. work visa will be given to her brother. if any one interested pls contact”

“Looking for 2nd wife
am looking for blonde girl .North American or European .from age 26 to 35.
height from 5,2 to 5,6 ft
.beautiful
take care of her body and health …honest
Iam work as ER doctor in Gov hospital
and my first wife still in Egypt not here in KSA
i have all equp to get married in month or may be less”

“Seeking for second wife
I am from hyderabad, PG, working in Jeddah, 6000 SR/month with family status ofcourse, goodlooking, religious, physically and financially strong alhamdulillah, already with wife and small kids eldest dgtr is 4 yrs,
looking for religious, god fearing, niqab observing,fair, sincere family oriented, atleast graduate girl, age not more than 32 years, (divorcees with children excuse please).
If someone finds this suitable please contact me through the email
Ma’assalam”

and the same guy amended the add to this the next day..

“Seeking for second wife
I am from Pakistan City Faisalabad, B.Tech (Electrical) from Preston University, working in Jeddah, 5000 SR/month with family status of course, good looking, religious, physically and financially strong alhamdulillah, already married and going for seperation soon as we are not understanding totally to each other.
looking for religious, god fearing, observing,fair, sincere family oriented, atleast graduate girl, age not more than 25 years, (divorcees with children excuse please).
If someone finds this suitable please contact me through the email
Ma’assalam”

“Looking for second wife
I am Saudi man working in health sector, looking for a bride in Jeddah as second wife. She will have a full respected treatment as Islam’s state on.
Preferred: good looking, whitish, Arabic, social, separated woman with/without kids. Of-course, fearing Allah, from decent family, well educated, open minded …etc.
I am 37yrs old, open minded, practical, fearing Allah …bla bla, financially capable to open 2nd house.”

“Seeking bride for our son
We are seeking a bride for our son, Electrical Engineer, age 26 years, slim and smart, raised & educated in Saudi Arabia, currently employed in a well reputed company. We are a Sunni Muslim Awan family belong to Punjab – Pakistan .

Bride should be simple, polite, beautiful, well educated and family oriented with Islamic cultured, enough to know the difference between a house and a home, age between 20 to 23 years,
Interested parents / guardians are kindly requested to forward the bride bio-data in detail through email. You all are very respectable for us and we assured you, that your all information’s will be treated as confidential.
Best Regards
Groom Parents”

“Proposal
We are looking proposal for younger brother, who is 27 years old, Fair, Good Looking, 6.1″ Tall, B.com, M.com, working in Hyderabad,
Bride should be very good in look, Slim, Beautiful with Sharp features & religious, very soft in nature, well-mannered, strictly practicing hijaab (veil and wimple) and knows all domestic responsibilities.
Interested parents are kindly requested to forward detailed bio-data along with very recent picture of the bride.”

Reading all these and there are hundreds like them out there, left me with a feeling of  sadness..what is a woman’s value these days? Isn’t there anyone out there looking for a woman as a companion and an equal partner nowadays? Are all these men/parents just searching for a white-skinned beautiful maid/cook/bedroom entertainment center/baby producing machine? And all these men looking for second wives..ugh. Disgusting. I wonder what their first wife would have to say to his ideas.

But then I saw these two ads and I thought, there is some HOPE.

“Looking for beauty with brains
Well travelled, educated egyptain doctor (46) is looking for a companion marriage. Someone used to travelling, has a mind of her own – not a yes-woman. Overall must be an interesting personality.”

“Seeking Bride
I am Filipino Nationals and i am looking for divorced or widowed saudi or egyptian lady with kids.
The lady should be educated and studied outside the Kingdom, speaks english fluently, open minded, caring and loving. No age limit required as long as she is willing to be my life time partner.”

 

Well I hope all the persons eventually find happiness..Except not the men looking for second wives. Sorry, but no, just no. They should learn how to treat the first wife with respect first before even thinking of getting a second one. Putting a sleezy ad online behind her back is not a respectable way to treat her nor is it what a God-fearing Muslim man should be doing! If the first wife is 100% OK with becoming a co-wife, and the second wife is all OK with that as well, then it might work. Most likely it will ruin everyone’s life that is involved, especially the children, like in most of these cases the end result is. 

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  • DentographerOctober 31, 2011 - 11:42 pm

    i remember there was a time i had to go through these,when a family member was in a deseperate need for a partner…it was ugly.

    one of the most memorable requirments that struck me with a stun was among asian indians demanding a husband or wife with specifity of having green card to either America or Canada,i thought it was really offensive and inappropriate.

    however long after i had a talk with a pakistani fellow who told me such requirments are considered very normal and its usually somthing that people offer/lookfor in the potential candidate,and he related it as they only seek it cos they want to secure the future of thier son/daughter.

    i guess at the end its another result of cultural restrains..where people dont have the ability to mingle and “Get to know” much,so people just stated their demands and “get it over with” if u know what i mean.ReplyCancel

  • LaylahOctober 31, 2011 - 11:56 pm

    Yes, I know what you mean. Its really straight to the point, but it also makes it sound so cold and business like don’t you think?

    A lot of the adds had as requirement must be iqama holder. Why do you think that is? I mean wouldn’t they automatically get the iqama by marrying the “well settled” guy?

    Or is that just another way of saying, hey I’m already married.ReplyCancel

  • NoorNovember 1, 2011 - 12:57 am

    I wonder so much about so many lol. Like why the Filipino only wants a married Saudi or Egyptian with kids LOL. Poor girls they are bargained out just like cattle in many Pakistani families. All that matters is what they can do and look good doing and even then they get a life of he** in the end from the mil. I know many stories from my friends its so sad :(ReplyCancel

  • LaylahNovember 1, 2011 - 1:28 am

    The first thing that came to my mind was the Filipino is so kind-hearted he wants to help those ladies because he knows how impossible it might be for a Saudi lady with kids to marry again..But it might be my wishful thinking only??

    I’ve heard stories about those Pakistani mils too..its really sad that even this day girls are bargained like this :(ReplyCancel

  • StaceyNovember 1, 2011 - 3:25 am

    The ads are pretty shocking in itself, it’s even more shocking when someone answers them.ReplyCancel

  • AnonymousNovember 1, 2011 - 7:12 am

    Low IQ people can be guided by advertizement propaganda publicityReplyCancel

  • DentographerNovember 1, 2011 - 1:07 pm

    for what its worth,you will find the same demands coming from families looking for grooms as equally demanding as it is for brides,at least thats the case in india which i have witnessed.

    demanding iqama is just a way for the families to secure thier son/daughter settlement in saudi…its somthing well known about indian expats when they decide to raise a family is that they like to obay all rules and get that completely in check,indians and pakis are not very rebellious in nature.

    i like how diversified your blog is.ReplyCancel

  • LaylahNovember 1, 2011 - 2:11 pm

    Stacey-I agree. I feel really sorry for the girl that has parents that think its ok for their daughter to marry some of these guys..ReplyCancel

  • LaylahNovember 1, 2011 - 2:24 pm

    Dentographer-Yes I guess it goes both ways. But they are looking for different things from the grooms, like MONEY, MONEY MONEY!

    Thanks I try to keep it interesting :)ReplyCancel

  • SylviaNovember 2, 2011 - 8:27 pm

    Very interesting article, Laylah! It seems very business-like and sad to me too…men trading a ˝cool financialy background˝ for a woman’s youth, looks and child-bearing abilities(and vice versa). All of this sounds quite chilling to modern Western ears, though I suppose a similar rationale for marriage was still very common up to almost yesterday (and, sadly, still survives in traces, with oversexualised women trying to bag rich men and all that).ReplyCancel

  • JennyNovember 6, 2011 - 1:41 am

    After reading all those ads focusing on looks it was so nice to see the two more sincere adds looking for a true companion.ReplyCancel

  • AnonymousNovember 21, 2011 - 9:35 am

    The first ad poster doesnt realize, though he is 47 years old, that the fact that he is not getting a son is not because of his wife but rather him !
    I am amazed there are supposedly educated people believing that having a 2nd wife will give them a sonReplyCancel

  • AnonymousJanuary 3, 2012 - 11:22 pm

    This was interesting article, but you know it is not only men who always want certain kind of females. It also goes for many women. Let’s face it. I have been living in US for last 10 years, and many male do look for girls who are hot.. skinny. etc And many women look for someone who is tall. broad..etc. It is something that runs in both gender.ReplyCancel

  • AnonymousMay 3, 2012 - 6:50 am

    Weren’t all those ads for the same two guys, specifically the electrician, and the brother of the other ad poster (who for all we know may be the same guy again)?ReplyCancel

  • Nuha نهىOctober 29, 2012 - 11:14 am

    polygamy is halal isn’t it?
    Didn’t the prophet SAWS practice it? So why blame brothers for something that is pure and halal?ReplyCancel

  • EfireflyDecember 6, 2012 - 4:43 pm

    Do women or their families not ever post for the type of husband that their daughter would want? Do people use facebook or other social media to help?ReplyCancel

  • zahid.nazirJuly 22, 2015 - 10:15 pm

    lets go look what happen destiny with meReplyCancel

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  • Asher Elsayed SahipaDecember 9, 2015 - 3:34 pm

    After reading all those ads focusing it was so nice to see looking for a true companionReplyCancel

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  • Rajeev JainMarch 9, 2016 - 12:53 pm

    Friend ki shadi Ke Liye ladki chahiye kisi bhi state se uski koi demand nahi haiReplyCancel

  • Rajeev JainMarch 9, 2016 - 12:53 pm

    Friend ki shadi Ke Liye ladki chahiye kisi bhi state se uski koi demand nahi haiReplyCancel

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    Friend ki shadi Ke Liye ladki chahiye kisi bhi state se uski koi demand nahi haiReplyCancel

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