Disclaimer: This is a satirical article and in order to fully comprehend it a sense of humor is essential. Reader discretion is advised. Please do not read any further in case you suffer from conditions such as HOI (Highly Offended Individual) or CRAP (Cranky Annoyed Person).
(BAN) Blue Abaya News
Special report from Saudi Arabia on the October 26th Women Driving Campaign:
According to police reports, a total of 12 Saudi women were detained in different cities around the Kingdom despite the noble efforts of some citizens who had set up Anti-women Driving campaigns. The government had also sent out kind reminders to women activists of their place in the society.
The women were detained for the offense of driving an automobile vehicle in Saudi Arabia under the influence of female hormones, also known as DWF (Driving While Female). One of the main concerns of DWF is the correlation between how much fabric covers a woman’s body and driving a vehicle. When females start driving it automatically leads to removal of clothing, as can be seen in the west were women almost always drive naked.
A concerned citizen, Ibrahim Al Shammari, drafted up a car cover which he called the “Mobile Burkha” in order to prevent men from seeing a woman driver. The initiative was rejected by the Traffic Ministry because it was the wrong color.
Another concern were the physiological effects DWF is known to have on women such as confusion, panic, lewd behaviours and reproductive system damages. No reports of harmed ovaries or rolled pelvises came forth however it was noted that all detainees were past child bearing age or divorcees and thus the damage to ovaries could not be confirmed.
The traffic department had stepped up their presence all across the Kingdom due to the increased security threat of women taking control. Check points were set up in all major cities to catch any females disturbing national security.
A record total of 567,899 police cars, secret police cars, police motorcycles, police boats and camel police were placed on level 5, the highest security alert status. The National Guard pitched in with tankers, helicopters and check points.
A new road sign was designed to spread awareness and remind any forgetful females that driving was not allowed. Clerics tweeted about the adverse affects of women driving cars, which would no doubt place her in a dangerous, unlawful situation.
She might have to interact closely with males, much like her driver.
Women might also go out of control if given control of cars.
According to Women Expert, Dr. Ali Ali Al Alinazi from Buraydah, western corruption will spread like wildfire into the Holy Land if women were to begin driving, because according to his research giving women power and control causes the entire society to weaken.
The result of the crackdown was that all in all 12 out of the alleged 67 female drivers were caught wheel-handed. The traffic department was satisfied with the successful capturing of women drivers.
The females were taken to the police station where they had to sign a pledge stating they will “never, ever, ever drive again“. They were fined for the traffic violation “driving without a license” because there was no law stating that women were not allowed to drive.
After that they were released when the concerned male wardens came to collect their females. One of the females was reportedly accompanied by her 9-year old son who was luckily able to drive her back home.
Authorities and society were pleased that the world didn’t come to an end, even though the threat was very real.
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